What If There Are No Films For June?

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Each month I pick four films released at the cinema, that I feel will be worthy of your time. However, this month is a little thin on quality releases and I’ve been presented with something of a dilemma. What do I do when there are not four films to choose from?

Sometimes, making this monthly list can be quite hard. Sure, all I have to do is pick four films each month that look good and write a little bit about them all, but what if there aren’t four films that look good? What if there’s only one or two or maybe none at all? That does not sound like a very interesting article to me, but as I look through the releases this June I am confronted with that very nightmare scenario.

While there are a few good films on the way, June seems to be void of really good and exciting films, with not many inspiring confidence. Take for instance Cheap Thrills, an American comedy that judging by the poster and plot synopsis alone looks dreadful. Or The Hooligan Factory, of which I first saw a poster for in a Wetherspoons in Newcastle city centre just the other day, and that probably says it all for that film’s target audience.

Then there is Belle, which stars Emily Watson and Matthew Goode, but sounds about as much fun as taking a drill to my temple. The IMDb provides this synopsis for Belle: “An illegitimate mixed race daughter of a Royal Navy Admiral is raised by her aristocratic great-uncle.” Now, I’m sure that sounds great to 40-year-old Daily Telegraph readers, and apologies if I’ve offended anyone there, but it’s not the kind of thing that’s gets you excited to go to the cinema is it?

June also see’s Kevin Costner trying to do a Liam Neeson, and get all kick ass in his old age in 3 Days To Kill. Judging by the trailer, 3 Days To Kill will be a by the numbers action flick that, a little like Costner, has no charisma or charm. Something which, by the way, Neeson has in spades. Another old boy, Kurt Russell, stars in The Art of the Steal. Where his character, Crunch Calhoun (what the fuck?) is a semi-reformed art thief who gets his old crew back together for one last job. The cast looks pretty uninspiring for this one, and the premise sounds like a cross between Trance and Ocean’s Eleven but nowhere near as fun or interesting as either of those.

The nail in the coffin though has to be Mrs. Brown’s Boys D’Movie. I’m no fan of the show, in fact I dislike it quite a bit, but I can’t understand why or how this has gotten a cinematic release. When I saw the poster in my local Cineworld I thought I had slipped into one of Dante’s circles of hell, and suddenly I was lost in a never-ending void of bad Irish accents and men dressed as women. It reminds me of seeing the poster for The Harry Hill Movie which, by the way, stopped me dead in my tracks when I saw that too. What’s worse is that Brendan O’Carroll, Mrs. Brown, for those who don’t know, has declared an interest in making a sequel. Thankfully though, no one at Universal has given any kind of confirmation that a sequel will happen.

I must say, I’ve never been here before. I’ve had some months where the cinematic offerings have looked pretty dim but I’ve always managed to pick four films each month for well over a year now, but this month has truly stumped me. The Americans are lucky, and get Transformers: Age Of Extinction a full thirteen days before us poor sods in the UK.

Jon Favreau’s Chef, I will admit, actually looks good. With a strong cast and good story it could be a surprise hit of the year. Again though, it doesn’t seem like the type of film that makes you look up after the trailer and make you want to book your tickets straight away does it? How To Train Your Dragon 2 isn’t out until July 4th, although advanced screenings apparently will be available before then. Fruitvale Station by all accounts, is a very fine film too and features a particularly good performance from the excellent Michael B. Jordan, but again, doesn’t sound overly exciting.

So, you might be asking yourself, what the point of this article is? Well, films and blogging are my hobby, but one I take quite seriously and I didn’t have it in me to leave a regular feature alone for a month, and I wanted to highlight the lack of appealing films coming out. Plus, once I started writing I found myself going on a bit of a rant and I was quite enjoying it in all honesty, and it annoys me that, bar one film, nothing truly exciting is coming out in June. This is the time of the year when we go to the cinema for the sheer spectacle and the popcorn movies that are one of the truest forms of escapism from the daily grind. Yes, we’ve already been treated to some really fun films so far this year, but June should not have been left so barren.

Where does that leave us then? Well, you could go and watch Chef. You could go and watch Fruitvale Station, or even Ti West’s latest horror offering The Sacrament. If you want my opinion though, and why else would you be here if you didn’t? Then this month I am picking 22 Jump Street as the one good film being released this month. The first film was full of laughs, and showed that Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill have great chemistry together, and even if the sequel is just more of the same then that is no bad thing.

So yeah, go see any of those, but I swear if I catch any of you going to see Mrs. Brown’s Boys D’Movie there’ll be trouble.

 

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7 thoughts on “What If There Are No Films For June?

  1. “Belle sounds about as fun as taking a drill to the temple.” Hahaha.

    And yes, I am with you on the ‘D’Brown’s Boys’ movie. I will unfollow anyone who watches it! Haha

  2. Dude you kind of beat me to the ounch with this blor post yo as I was going to do something similar to you in terms of the month of June and its lack of good films haha. After about the time when Godzilla came out, I looked towards the end of the month and thought “Yeah X-Men!” But then after that I was like “But then there’s June… Ewww.”

    It seems like June is the month of draught as there is nothing even remotely as fun or exciting as what we’ve had since the late since of March. I’ll probably check out 22 Jump Street, Fruitville Station and Chef as they are the only films that look remotely good, but everything else can just stay where it is.

    BRING ON THE WALL! Haha. No but seriously, BRING ON JULY! 😀

    1. Oh man, I had no idea. Don’t not write it on account of me though, as I’m sure you have your own spin of the releases for June.

      But yeah, it’s a poor month, with not much sticking out. July should be better.

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